A Day In The Life: Still Dreading Spring

I still haven’t fully embraced my diagnosis, obviously, or I wouldn’t be sitting here, looking out the window at the nearly finished chicken coop, thinking how much I wish winter would hold out and keep spring at bay for just a little while longer.

I was certainly never like this before and I can directly lay the blame on my mast cell disease. Even if late fall/early winter is officially my favorite time of year (again probably because of my disease), I never, ever, ever in my life didn’t anticipate spring’s arrival.

I love spring!

When you live where the winters are long, cold and brutal like they are here in eastern Idaho, spring is just… well, extra special.

This spring is going to (hopefully!) be even more extra special because not only are we getting laying hens for fresh eggs and adding new raised garden beds and even a kitchen herb garden on the back deck, it should bring with it a gorgeous burst of color all over the front flowerbeds and around the maple trees from the hundred (yes, hundred!) tulip bulbs we planted last November:

I should be eagerly awaiting their arrival along with everything else that will be waking up in the coming weeks, including all the perennials I carefully selected and planted. I’m finding as many as possible so they will come back each year on their own, lessening the amount of work and thereby potential exposure and degranulation hell for me.

I’ve missed the fish in the pond who will soon be back, too, greeting me hungrily at the front steps each day where I love to sit and sip my morning coffee while listening to the waterfall.

The pond heater keeps their little pond thawed all winter long but I bet they anticipate the spring’s impending arrival so they can bask in the sunshine again.

I, on the other hand, hide in the shadows to avoid the sun now and I have to lurk about early in the day and late in the evening to avoid the bees and wasps.

I can’t lay out to sun tan or swim in the pool. I can’t wear sunscreen or mosquito spray. I have to garden at my own peril and I can’t even just relax and enjoy the beauty I helped nature create unless conditions are just right!

Forget about standing near the firepit or enjoying the smell or taste of bbq again. Those days are over for me and I have to accept it. I was probably always triggered on some level by these things, but I wasn’t listening to my body back then. Now that I know I have mast cell disease I hear everything and now it’s glaringly obvious when something triggers me, so I have to add them to my “list”.

I feel like a private eye.

I have mast cell disease. I have to be on guard at all times now. Everything is suspect.

Meds & water? Check!

Long sleeves & pants? Check!

Sunglasses & Hat? Check!

Cell phone charged and ready? Check!

Both epipens handy? Double check!

It’s exhausting just thinking of it. I love my beautiful yard but I don’t look forward to spring anymore. I want winter to stay longer and it makes me really, really sad.

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